Welcome to our new website feature called "This just in". We hope this feature area will put a smile on your face. The following is meant to be in good humor and is not intended to offend. (Although we are sure it will) So enjoy!!! If you have any ideas for this area, send them to info@hbgonline.com

Look out Blue Man, your boss is a certified hottie!!!

Harrisburg, PA - Harrisburg Magazine announced today it’s “Simply the Best MILF” award was presented to Anita Smith, President and CEO of Capital Blue Cross. Ms. Smith has been on an ego pleasing media trip for the last year making TV commercials with her sidekick and company mascot “Blue Man”.

While Capital Blue Cross health care members have seen their premiums skyrocket, Ms. Smith continues to shoot worthless professionally made commercials costing hundreds of thousands of dollars. Ask to comment about the award Ms. Smith simply said “At least I’m being noticed!!!”

Mayor Reed officially buries the N-word

Harrisburg, PA – At a sparsely attended ceremony today, Harrisburg Mayor Stephen R. Reed officially buried the N-word, in a small plot next to the Civil War Museum.

"I don't care who you are. If you use the N-word, it's wrong," said Stan Lawson, president of the Greater Harrisburg branch of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.

Words like "lackey, flunky or puppet" get the point across, he said. "The N-word not only degrades the person you're talking to, it degrades the person who said it." “I’m pleased to see the Mayor finally taking action on this matter, we are proud to be the official tombstone sponsor”.

Harrisburg School’s Board of Control member Clare Jones, who has used the N-word at meetings to denounce the house-slave accusations is outraged by the Mayor’s actions. “If that cracker (Reed) thinks this little publicity stunt, will refrain me from using the word in public again, he’s a damn fool.” states Jones.

Momma’s for Obama form Central PA Chapter

Harrisburg, PA – First it was Oprah, now it’s Momma’s for Obama.

Democrat presidential candidate Barack Obama has a new local chapter to help his election campaign in Central PA. Betty Smith, Momma’s for Obama Chapter President, says “Our group will do anything we can to help a skinny black man”. She also states “Hilary is an outright bitch and we will do anything to keep her from winning. Well except walking door to door because our size and medical conditions prevents us from doing anything that involves physical activity”

The Momma’s for Obama Chapter Meetings will take place the first Tuesday of every month at Denny’s, starting at 8:00am sharp. Chapter members will receive a special buy 1 get 1 free Grand Slam breakfast deal. The Chapter is seeking new members. The only requirement is you must be a female with a weight of 250+ pounds or a belly that sags lower than your private parts. For more info go to www.centralpamommasforobama.com

Mayor Reed extends "Kick a bum in the nuts" program

Harrisburg, PA - Mayor Stephen R. Reed today announced the City of Harrisburg’s "Kick a Bum in the nuts" program would be extended until further notice. A spokesman for the Mayor's office stated "We noticed a dramatic decrease of bums bothering our coveted 2nd Street bar hoppers after the 2007 Central PA Music Awards".

In case you missed it, Mayor Reed kicked off the awards ceremony by proclaimed the night "Kick a Bum in the Nuts Night". Attendees were encouraged to kick anyone in the nuts that bothered them for money while walking down 2nd Street. Harrisburg police Chief Charles G. Kellar, reported over 12 nut kicks to local panhandler's on Thursday Night.

"This is an excellent program to help us combat the bums taking over the 2nd Street area" "Nothing we can do even comes close to a good kick in the nuts" Kellar states.

$5,000 reward offered for lost publication

Harrisburg, PA - After month’s of build up on their website the new MODE is back!!!! Or is it? September was to be the launch of what promises to be “better than ever” and “1/3rd less filling than other brands”. We checked all the usual places the paper used to be stacked, but could not find the publication.

Unfortunately just like the old MODE, the new MODE website is not functional. We did see a working poll that was up for seven months asking site visitors “Do You Remember MODE?” An astonishing 39 people responded with 14 of them answering “Nope Sorry”, at press time of this story. Even more amazing is the old MODE had the same percentage of people not knowing about the publication when it could be found, up to three years ago.

We tried to contact former MODE editor Scot Giambalvo., from the new MODE website, however that link was also not working.

Jeff Royer, editor of Fly Magazine, mentioned he too could not find the New MODE publication. “I was looking forward to seeing the first edition.” When asked if the Fly was worried about the competition, Royer mentioned “We welcome the competition, especially when it can’t be found.”

The group Harrisburg Young Professionals, aka HYP, is offering a $5,000 reward for information in helping to find the new Mode. Jessica Meyers, HYP President, stated “MODE Magazine was the only publication that would ever run all of our boring, self promoting press releases, we really need them to do it again”.

Plans are under way to form a search party to try and find the new MODE this Saturday, Sept 8th. Those who would like to volunteer should report to the City Island Pavilion at 8:00am.

Harrisburg Police Department to purchase 20 seeing eye dogs

Harrisburg, PA - Taking quick action from public outcry that the Harrisburg Police Department knew nothing of a party for several years on city-owned McCormick Island, police Chief Charles G. Kellar, has authorized the purchase of 20 seeing eye dogs.

Kellar stated “ The seeing eye dogs will help the city police department “look” for possible violations within the city”. He also mentioned “We are in an active investigation and can not comment why none of our officers didn’t notice 100’s of people being shuttled across the Susquehanna River for the last 7 years on Labor Day weekend”.

Police Chief Kellar feels confident the addition of seeing eye dogs on top of the already installed gun shot alert system throughout the city, will help police officers focus more on their jobs. “These two items combined, will allow us to focus more on chatting with the scantly clad drunk women on 2nd Street”.

Mayor Reed proclaims "I'm not gay"!!!!

Harrisburg, PA - Calling a sparsely attended news conference on Friday night, Mayor Stephen Reed made a stunning announcement that he was not gay. When asked why the need for this information, Mayor Reed stated “I know what people are saying about me”. “I just thought with all the news coverage of Senator Craig from Idaho, I myself should come forward before the police department releases audio of an incident that took place at Stallion’s a few weeks ago after the Pride Fest celebration”.

Calls to the Harrisburg Police Department went unanswered. However our calls to Stallion’s Nightclub located on 3rd Street, were answered, but we couldn’t understand a word with their lisping while talking.

After the news conference no city officials would go on record with their thoughts of the mayor’s sexuality. We were able to contact the city’s former press spokesman Randy King. When advised of the mayor’s comments, Mr. King rolled his eyes and said ” Well at least he’s not a nigga”.

Allison Hill to be renamed?

Linda Thompson	Patty Kim

Harrisburg, PA - Controversial Harrisburg City Council member Linda Thompson stirs the pot again. The latest upheaval comes from Ms. Thompson’s council resolution to rename Allison Hill to Hiroshima Hill. “I drive through that area everyday and it looks like a nuclear bomb went off.” Thompson stated. She also mentioned “ The buildings are crumbling and every street has gaps between the homes. It’s a damn disgrace to the city and our rebuilding efforts”.

Patty Kim the only Asian American city council member was applauded at the suggestion. “I take offense to the racial nature this resolution provokes”. “Harrisburg’s Asian citizens work hard at every small grocery store located within the Allison Hill community”. Kim also stated “ What’s next? Will they try to rename Market Street to The Manhattan Project?”

A spokeswoman we contacted from the Mayor’s office, who would not officially talk on record, stated this is only a resolution and needs to be passed by a majority council vote. She also mentioned “Mayor Reed will not allow any more street name changes within the city limits” She stated the example a few years ago when Market Street was changed to Martin Luther King Boulevard. Most of the residents on the street could not spell Boulevard or knew of the abbreviation BLVD. “It was a nightmare for the Post Office mail carriers for years. That’s why we changed it back.”

Ms. Kim encourages all in the Asian community of Harrisburg, to come out and voice their opinions to the resolution at the next city council meeting scheduled for Sept. 26th at 8:00pm

We tried to get comments from the Asian storeowners of the Allison Hill community, but could not understand a word they said. However we did hear a soda cost “ Won dolla”