Never Back Down

by Dave White

Who's in It: Sean Faris, Djimon Hounsou, Cam Gigandet, Amber Heard, Evan Peters, Wyatt Smith

The Basics: A teen Tom Cruise-alike with a quick temper (look, he's got his reasons, OK?) winds up at a new school where pretty much anything goes, including lunchtime fight clubs. After getting his pride handed to him at a wild rich-kid party, he finds his own Mr. Miyagi in Hounsou, who teaches him the holy sport of mixed martial arts.

What's the Deal? It's a testament to this movie's impeccable grasp on the stupidity of go-for-it '80s fighting films that I kept expecting to hear Corey Hart songs emerge as emotion-filled soundtrack cues. There are none, but there should have been. And because it's got its moves down, it's kind of hard to hate it, even though it's crap. Either way, lots of people get kicked in the head, which is the real point of it. That they get their heads kicked with great efficiency and that the camera makes it look like it might even be fun for them to receive that kick is just the icing.

The Fighting, Faux-Lesbian-Hot-Tubbin' Class of 2008! The best scene comes early, as the new kid finds himself at the decadent school-night party, one that makes those Less Than Zero kids look like the lazy dilettantes they were. There's dancing and drinking, of course, but also naked high school girls making out with each other in a hot tub and then, to top it off, some wild death-match fighting going on in the backyard. It's like they all go to some PG-13 version of Caligula High School.

Bold Hypocrisy Is the Best Hypocrisy: Ultimately, it's a tender appeal to learning patience, discipline, wisdom and nonviolence. But only after everyone gets beaten to a pulp.

And the James Spader Award Goes To: Gigandet, former O.C. regular, for skeevy-teen (he's actually 25) bad-guy posturing that slimes the screen every time he oozes across it.